Are you Growing Older...or Aging?

  

I know it was a few months ago, but I’m still thinking about Angelina Jolie’s bare leg and that crazy Sacha Baron Cohen spilling ashes all over Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet.

But the most interesting part of the Oscars for me was who won Best Supporting Actor:  Christopher Plummer.  

Guess how old he is?  

82.

And he was nominated with 82-year-old Max Von Sydow, another octogenarian (I know, big words!).

In fact, the faces were all getting older. Good ol’ Michael Douglas sure ain’t a spring chicken, is he?

I half expected all these old fogies to reenact a scene from Cocoon. (For those of you who are too young for that reference, it’s a movie where older people find the fountain of youth in their retirement community’s swimming pool in the form of…cocoons.  As I type this, I realize the movie sounds ridiculous, but try watching it without shedding a few tears.)

All those old people got me thinking about my own age.  I realized that when I go out somewhere I’m usually the oldest person there, but I don’t really feel like I’m aging.

What is aging? (Maybe you think that’s a stupid question, but how many times do I have to tell you?  There is no such thing as a stupid question!)

All of us are getting older. Five seconds ago you were younger than you are now. I’m 10 minutes older than when I started writing this blog. And I’m 15 minutes older from when I tried to start cleaning my garage. That lasted all of five minutes, and I decided it was time to blog (I swear, though, that trying to clean my garage aged me three years).

But I digress …

Let me get back to my “stupid” question …

In my mind, there is a huge difference between getting older and aging.  Getting older is the inevitable process of walking through life along the time continuum. Aging, on the other hand, is the process of ceasing to progress.

I think of aging as a trajectory.  You will always get older, but you will only start aging once your trajectory begins to decline.

Now I’ve noticed two types of older people.  There are the people that become a little more infantile about things.  These people are aging.  They start focusing not on lifelong goals, but rather on small things that shouldn’t be important.

And then there are people who are simply getting older—people like Christopher Plummer and Max Von Sydow.  At least from where I’m sitting, these people don’t really appear to be aging. Their physical appearance, of course, shows age … but their minds and their spirits do not.

The difference between aging and getting older is state of mind.  It really is a case of mind over matter.  If you are open to learning new things, you are growing older, but you are also growing.

Let me give you an example by picking on my wife for a minute …

My daughter and I are mystified because my wife hates using credit card machines at the gas station.  In fact, she has boycotted the practice of putting her credit card into a gas pump.  It confuses her, and so she has gone on strike.  Heretofore, she pays inside, where she stands in line and hands her credit card to a fellow or a lady who runs it through a clunky old machine … just like they did in the good old days.

My wife just doesn’t want to progress … when it comes to pumping gas.

(To her credit, she did learn how to use an iPhone in one day, so I think we can call it a wash and agree that she’s not aging.  She’s standing still in time. )

What about you?  Are you open to learning new things?  Setting new goals?  Or are you just focusing on petty little things and letting age sweep over you? 

I know it is my intention to continue to progress — to continue to learn.  Just remember, if you cease to learn, you are aging.  So pledge to get better each day, like a great wine.

Today Challenge: Do everything in your power to learn something new and do something exciting.  There is no reason we shouldn’t all be Christopher Plummers. Who knows?  Maybe this time next year, I’ll be blogging about how old you look on that Oscar stage!

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The New & Improved YOU!

The New & Improved YOU......featuring ten times more YOU!

Where are you reading this right now? Are you at home? A waiting room at a doctor’s office...or at the same ol’ job you’ve had for the last 17 years.

Same ol’ job, you say?

Well, in that case, I say, ONLY IF YOU WANT IT TO BE!

What if I told you that no matter where you are, who you are, or what you are, you can be ten times better?

Don’t believe me? Well, you should because you can. GUARANTEED!

But before we get to my super-platinum, no-risk, double-your-money-back guarantee (this advice is free), let’s ask ourselves another question …

Why would you want to be ten times better?

Frankly, I think you are pretty darn great, just the way you are, but if you were ten times better …

Your job would be easier.

You would be faster and more productive.

You would increase your capacity to do bigger things.

You might even get a raise, a promotion, or a genie that grants you every wish imaginable. (Disclaimer: The last one probably won’t happen—unless you are prone to imaginary visions.)

The business visionary Dan Sullivan suggests that all of us can move to a “ten times” more world by being:

Alert

Curious

Responsive

Resourceful

Those characteristics sound like fun, don’t they? Way better than:

Lazy

Don’t care

Comatose

Can’t do anything for yourself

When you are working toward a “ten times” future, being ALERT to opportunities to increase your capabilities and improve performance is key to growing your productivity. But it’s pretty hard to be ALERT when you are not CURIOUS. Going deeper to understand things and how they work allow you to understand how things connect. These qualities provide the base upon which you can easily see improvements or new applications of old wisdom and approaches.

Moving quickly in response to your surroundings is the best antidote to being left behind. Too many of us wait for something to change when, in fact, we are responsible for the change. It is up to us to capitalize on the opportunity or defend against the unexpected. RESPONSIVENESS captures the opportunity. The more opportunity captured, the more likely things will get ten times better.

Finally, let’s talk about being RESOURCEFUL. The ability to work with others makes the day go faster and work life easier. Your relationships are like a bank account. (Don’t worry: This bank is fully insured.)  Our relationships are our social capital. We can be resourceful by connecting with others to get better results. We can draw and make deposits into our social capital bank account by working with others—providing them with resources we have and pulling from the resources they have.

So there you have it. All of us can move to a “ ten times” future by being alert, curious, responsive, and resourceful. For those of you that this resonates with, I say GO FOR IT. In fact, if you need me to say it ten times, I will.

GO FOR IT!

GO FOR IT!...

Ah, two is all you get. I just found a lamp, and I’m hoping there is a genie in it. Wish me luck!

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The Dirty Word

I’m about to say a dirty word—probably the dirtiest word in our society. If you are reading this aloud and children are within earshot, please cover their ears.

Here goes …

Accountability.

Accountability is a dirty word because we live in a victim society. The folks that wrote the book The OZ Principle call the victim-mentality “living below the line.”

The line to which they refer is the line that separates the failures, stagnators, and blamers from the explorers, originators, and the innovators.

Like it or not, success is never bestowed on you. It is earned. (That is, unless you are one of the Kardashians, in which case we know the dark arts are involved.)

Let me use myself as an example. Now, I have been the King of Excuses in what I will call the “before” time. During “before” time, I could easily find reasons why things did not turn out the way I wanted them to turn out.

It’s always easy to find excuses when you exclude yourself from the equation. During “before” time, I was never the chief culprit. That would have been insanity!

I was always saying things like: “If only they did this. They were supposed to take care of that! They are so incompetent.”

Do you have a “they” in your life? Is your “they” as lazy, horrible, and despicable as mine was? If so, you might be living below the line.

One day, I decided I wanted an “above the line” life. The only way I could do this would be to hold myself accountable. I had to fire “they” and take it’s place. (Normally, it is hard to fire people, but “they” were so lazy, horrible, and despicable that it was pretty easy.)

I had to make a commitment. And by the way, you don’t attempt to make a commitment. You are either committed or you aren’t. In living above the line, you are accountable when you hold yourself responsible for results that you commit to. It does not mean you will always actually succeed. Repeat it with me: Success is not guaranteed (unless you are a Kardashian).

But the magic of commitment and accountability is that they get you half the way there.

In fact, the magic formula for success is to learn from your less-than-desirable results. Learning, adjusting, adapting, and modifying commitments in the face of adversity creates success 90 percent of the time.

I’m not sure what the other 10 percent would be called. Maybe we can call it (cover kids’ ears) “sh*t happens” or (keep covering) “Kardashian?”

(I get paid 10 cents in ad revenue every time I use their name!)

How do YOU live about the line? As my friend Kathy Kolbe says, “Commit! But to very little.”

That is the first step. Understand your role, make adjustments, keep moving forward, and congratulate yourself for the distance you have come. Quantify your commitments. Put a number, date, or numerical frequency to those things you want to accomplish. Enlist the help of supporters. Keep away from the detractors. And finally, resist the victim excuses.

Whether you are or are not successful, you only have one person to blame: YOU!

(And the Kardashians).

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Be Here Now

I went to dinner at a place called The Yard House on a busy Saturday night. I had never seen a restaurant this big, and it was packed with a huge sports bar, giant televisions, an outdoor patio, and maybe 500 or 10,000 tables on the inside.

The evening was organized chaos—poetry in motion. And most impressive of all: the waiters were incredibly helpful. I believed they were there just for me, despite all the activity and commotion. When the waiter was helping me with a Jetsons-sized menu, I felt like the only patron in the place. I do believe the food tasted better than it might have actually been because the wait staff was so incredibly helpful. They helped me handpick my order.

I was willing to forgive some of the little things that weren’t quite right because the staff was there for me. The service was a team approach. No matter which team player was up at bat, I was undoubtedly the most important customer there. At least this is how I felt.

I felt as if I was being paid attention to at that restaurant because, well, because I was. This goes to a larger point. Despite everything that was going on at the restaurant, despite all the other people my waiter had to help, my waiter focused on me in the moment. And it made all the difference.

In business, and in life, if you can’t give 100 percent to the mission at hand, then you might as well not be giving anything at all.

Now some of you might be thinking, “Hold on a second. I can multi-task. Maybe you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, but I can.”

Sure. You can do it.

Until you can’t.

Perhaps you have always been able to do three thousand things at once. But sooner or later, doing more than one thing at a time will come back to bite you in the donkey, shall we say.

Focusing, being present in the moment, is a skill. And like any other skill, it needs to be honed. The better you get at it, the more rewards you will reap. Let’s take a look at an example of someone who wasn’t in the moment.

Chase Sampson, a college junior from Nashville, flew into New York at three in the morning and didn’t sleep a wink between then and the time he had to sit in the hot seat for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. He told the gracious Meredith Viera he pretty much had coffee flowing through his veins. What with his traveling, his studies, the pressure of being on national television, there was a lot to think about.

After the casual banter concluded, the first question posed to Chase was: Homeowners buy surge protectors to protect their possessions from unexpected surges of what? His choices were:

A) Electric Current 

B) Water Flow 

C) Air Pressure 

D)  Buyer’s Remorse.

For his answer—Water Flow—Chase received exactly zero dollars and 5,276,153 hits on Youtube. Now, if he had taken a moment to set everything else aside and just think about the question, he probably would have chosen the correct answer. Unless he’s Amish, and then it would be understandable. But he’s not Amish. He owned surge protectors. He wasn’t in the moment. He dropped the ball. You dropped the ball, Chase!  

Let’s look at a more intense example of someone who was in the moment. Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette faced one of the greatest challenges an athlete could face while competing in a past Winter Olympics. Hours before she was take to the ice, her mother died of a massive heart attack. Her mother was one of her greatest supporters, confidants, allies, and coaches. Their time at the Olympics was a shared experience.

Rather, than give into her grief, Joannie Rochette continued to compete even though she was devastated. Literally, hours after her mother’s passing, she got back on the ice in competition and skated flawlessly. She could not have done this had she though of her enormous sadness, the pressures of the competition, the millions of onlookers thinking about how sad she must have been.  Joannie focused on the present—on skating, on her technique, on her choreography—and it eventually landed her the bronze medal. That she was able to compete, let alone earn a medal, is beyond incredible.

Maybe you don’t have the same pressures as an Olympic athlete competing on the world stage a short time after her mother passes away, but you have got your own personal circus in town. We all do. How we deal with it is what sets us apart from the rest. If we crumble, we will not succeed. If we take whatever challenge faces us on head on, we cannot be stopped.

But you cannot face a challenge head on if you are too busy worrying about the next challenge, the challenge on the left and the right, and what you could have or should have done two challenges ago. In order to emerge victorious, you have to be able concentrate on a single goal at the time you are in the process of attaining it. Yes, you can and will focus on the other goals and challenges when the time is right; when you do, you will focus on those additional challenges as if they are the only ones who exist. No matter how many challenges you face, the only way to overcome them is one challenge at a time!

That is why, however large or small the challenge you face is, it does not matter so long as you give it your complete attention and focus. It didn’t matter to the Yard House waiters how many people were ordering food—they deal with one order at a time—and why Joannie Rochette was able to perform despite her deep personal loss:

she put one skate in front of the other.

Today’s Challenge:  Practice being in the present.  Concentrate on what you are doing here and now.

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HEY PROTESTORS—OCCUPY THIS!

Despite my last post about the Occupy Wall Street folks, I have to admit that the movement is impressive. I didn’t think this generation could walk away from The Real Housewives and organize a movement.

But what confuses me is the message. I saw an interview yesterday with a young lady who said that life isn’t fair. She wants money to be abolished! She wants us to all be equal and just “live.”

(I also saw many interviews where people just beat their drums in circles. I’m not sure what drums have to do with anything; I guess it was some sort of new-age auditory protest intended to spread peace. I don’t think it worked, though, because I almost had a violent seizure.)

Let me focus on what the lady said about everyone being equal. Man, that would be fun, wouldn’t it? For a day, at least, right? It would, also, be fun if unicorns existed and if all the candy in the Willy Wonka movie existed.

Alas, that is not the way the world works.

Almost 20 years ago, when my son began his illustrious but brief soccer career, everyone got a trophy or a ribbon—every single kid out there. If you played, you got a prize. All you had to do was participate. Soccer awards were the great equalizer. No matter who did what on the field, you could feel good holding a shiny trophy signifying that everyone was equal. Participating was enough.

But in the world of business, it’s not this way at all. Everyone does not get a trophy for participating. Business people are held to high standards, and only the top performers get awarded with clients, money, and the complete DVD set of the TV show Wired.
This doesn’t mean that everyone is a loser, with just a few winners. It means that everyone must work hard to find his or her unique talents, and then constantly push harder to refine them. It means that some people have greater capacity, intellect, or luck. These folks often get more that the others, but not because they cheat. They are awarded because they do things better, faster, cheaper, and easier—and because they make our lives better.

But the good news for those of us who have only mediocre talent: These people make our lives better. If everyone participated at an equal level, we might not even have the Motorola 400 circa 1984, much less the iPhone 4S. We probably wouldn’t have the Backstreet Boys, much less the Beatles.

You see, you can’t legislate equality because people are not innately equal. Sure, you can force equal benefits and equal pay, but you cannot maximize energy of the more capable by giving the fruits of that capability to others. The talented folks would just stop working.

The problem with trying to legislate equality is that the multiplier effect that comes alongside genius will stop. Jobs will not be created or lost. And the people who create breakthroughs will never get their opportunity. If this sort of cycle continues, guess what you get?

2011!

I have two suggestions for all the protesters. First, don’t be too proud to work. Sweep streets. Clean the bathroom. Earn minimum wage. Some money is better than no money, especially when your unemployment runs out. Remember, someone who was not too proud to drive a cab could someday become the owner of a cab company.

Second, don’t be stopped by the “no’s.” In the words of the great Rolling Stones song, “you can’t always get what you want.”

But if you keep going, even though you haven’t gotten what you want, you are bound to eventually hear a “yes.” Research successful people. Almost all of them heard more than their fair share of “no’s.” Rags to riches stories are common. Seldom do people major in being corporate president in college. (I went to school to be president of the universe, but that’s just me. Also, that didn’t work out to well.)

By the way, I’ll bet that if the vast majority of the Wall Street protesters were offered a six-figure, Wall Street income starting immediately, they would miss the next march … and the next drum circle.

Today’s Challenge: Think about the NOs you have heard in your life. Did they kill you or did they make you stronger? If they killed you then you must not be reading this. Otherwise, I rest my case!

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OCCUPY WALL STREET PROTESTORS = THE YES MEN

(no). no. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Wow. That felt good. I know you’re not used to saying “no,” so say it with me.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Felt good didn’t it? Like a long lost friend. Makes me wonder how we forgot this word in the first place.

I was reminded of the word “no” when I was watching the coverage of the Occupy Wall Street movement. What a crowd. Most way too young to even understand what they are chanting. Reminded me of the anti-war movement of the 60s, except these folks are protesting not having jobs instead of having to go to war.

When asked what they are protesting, the Occupy Wall Street protesters simply state that big business is no good. Big business cheats, steals, lies, colludes (great word), conspires, and generally screws the little people (but not in a good way). The protesters want good jobs, good pay, great benefits, and no or few taxes.

And they want it given to them NOW.

I just have one word for that: No.

It just doesn’t work that way. It never has. NEVER. Things that are given are never valued. That’s why buffets are never fully appreciated. There are too many options, and the options get taken advantage of and underappreciated, so we all end up weighing 400 pounds.

It occurs to me that always being “yes men” is how we found our way into this mess. We have forgotten to say “no,” and we expect a buffet of options to be presented to us at all times. In fact, it has become a favorite pastime of this great nation to sue if we ever hear the word “no”. (I’ve used it 12 times now and am expecting at least 300 lawsuits.)

I confess that I don’t say “no” enough. I don’t always say it to my kids. I don’t always say it to the television. I don’t always say it to donuts.

The truth is that Wall Street hasn’t said “no” enough. A few more “no’s” would have averted the Wall Street collapse. “No’s” would have prevented people from making ill-suited home purchases, which would have lessened the real estate collapse.

“No” keeps us safe, sane, and realistic.

Only in our most recent generations did anyone “expect” a great job with great pay and great benefits. I recall listening to some grad students telling each other that they expected to earn $70,000 just out of school. I heard this and my jaw dropped open. What happened to walking both ways, up hill, barefoot in snow? These grads had no experience and they were worth that money?

Not a chance, but they got it anyway because we live in a “yes” world.

Here’s the deal, if you never hear the word “no,” it’s impossible to demonstrate a commitment to anything. Nothing important happens without some degree of striving. For big thinkers and doers “no” is a test word. Can you get to where you want to go in spite of the “no’s” you hear in everyday life? If the word “no” stops you in your tracks, you just might not want it bad enough. If the answer is always “yes,” why even ask the question?

(Take a second. I know I just dropped a bomb of knowledge on you that will take you awhile to recover from.)

“Yes” stifles innovation and risk. “Yes” promotes the status quo. “No” begets creativity.

Maybe I’m wrong about all of this. Disagree with me please! JUST SAY NO!

Today’s Challenge: Make a list of things in your past that you should have said “no” to instead of “yes”—“no’s” that would have made your life better. Be honest now!

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Procrastination: It’s Like Wearing White on Labor Day, but Worse

6:30 pm. Omg. When was the last time I trimmed my ear hairs?

6:48 pm: I think I need a little break. There’s definitely a wall that needs staring at.

7:11 pm: Staring at walls is not nearly as fulfilling as you might think.

Okay, I’m clearly procrastinating … I must right this blog. I must.

Procrastinating is evil. It’s also insidious, which makes it double evil. It’s a lot more dangerous than other evils (like wearing white after Labor Day) because it isn’t always obvious.

On face value, procrastination seems like one of the sillier things that we do to ourselves.  We could do the task at hand and get it out of the way and then be able to go about our business of plucking ear hairs and staring at walls. But it never seems to work out that way … 

Excuse me, I have to go lie down for a second.

7:53 pm: Damn you, procrastination. But it’s totally true … most of us put off these simple tasks (like writing a blog) so that they blow up and bigger and bigger and become a huge stress in our lives—so stressful, in fact, that we spend so much energy worrying about what we have put off that we don’t do anything productive with the time we have “freed up” by procrastinating.

(Really worried I’m not going to finish this blog. It’s making me exhausted … Think I’m going to watch America’s Got Talent. Be right back)

9:07: I can’t believe they voted them off!

Oh, right …  Procrastination continues to create pain for much longer time than the pain of getting it done in the first place. Dan Sullivan, the great mentor of The Strategic Coach, says that when you have something difficult you need to do, and you know that it’s going to be painful, you have two choices.

1)      You can either have a long, slow pain that will constantly be there, or

2)      You can have a fast, possibly worse pain—a pain that will then go away.

Procrastination ties into perseverance. We have to persevere and ignore the devil on our shoulder telling us to procrastinate. Things never take care of themselves, and they usually snowball into a bigger mess that takes longer to clean up than it would have by just doing it in the first place.

Man, I really want to finish this but I just realized I haven’t gotten the mail yet. One sec.

9:30 pm: You would never guess what came in the mail? My subscription to Field & Stream.  Love that new equipment section.  I can’t believe the innovation in duck calls.

Wait … where was I?

Today’s challenge: Persevere through the work you have in front of you. By getting it done today, you give yourself permission to have a great day tomorrow. Start with the first thing, get that done and go to the next. 

You have the satisfaction of taking something from point a to point b. You won’t have the constant feeling you get when you procrastinate. Get into the habit of doing this for yourself and for your clients. It might be painful at first, but it’s better than having constant pain. Feel the joy of progress!

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