Micro Promises

Most of us keep our big promises, but all too often, we make tons of tiny little “micro-promises” that we either never keep, or that we fulfill, but only with tremendous tardiness.

We say: “I will call you back in five minutes.” Then we call back the next day. We say: “Let’s have lunch soon,” but we never do. We say, “I’m happy to answer any questions that you have,” when we really don’t want to take the time to answer too many questions.

All of these tiny little promises are hard to keep track of. We make so many of them that we cannot possibly honor all of them. And we don’t take them seriously, do we?

We also break promises to ourselves. We say things like:

“I’m going to start going to bed earlier.”

“I’m going to wake up and go to the gym.”

“I’m going to call my mother.”

How many leaders, bosses, and educators make micro-promises that never come true? The answer is: too many! In fact, we take most people’s micro-promises with a grain of salt. When our long-lost friend that we run into at the store promises to call us the following week, we don’t really expect it to happen.

But all of these micro-promises, made to ourselves and to others, chip away at our social and human capital. What do other people think of us when we fail to keep our commitments? Remember that when you interact with other people, you are either building or destroying social capital. When these micro-promises are kept, the mortar that binds your relationships solidifies.

And when you keep the micro-promises that you make to yourself, you validate your own worthiness.

My friend and personal coach Michelle DeAngelis had a conversation about micro-promises, and here are my takeaways:

1. Be mindful about seemingly idle micro-promises. No promise is idle or casual. Someone might be holding you to it, so make the promise only if you can do it. Kathy Kolbe, my friend and creator of the Kolbe System, advises that people should commit, but to very few things. If you are overrun with promises, you cannot fulfill them all. So when you make a promise, big or little, be sure it is one that you can fulfill.

2. Once you commit, set up a mechanism so that you can schedule time to meet that commitment. Put it in your calendar or write it down, right then and there.

3. Finally, make sure that you do not create a culture whereby micro-promises are broken by other people (which may normalize it and/or erode your own emotional wellbeing). When someone makes a micro-promise to you, find out whether they are truly committing. Say something like: “I would love for that to really happen. What should we each do to make it so?”  

This blog also appears on Our Two Cents on rsjcpa.com 

Five Eyes On The Fence

Some of you might know that I am in the process of finishing up a manuscript for my second book.

Manuscript. I like saying that word. It sounds prestigious and dignified. And the truth is that this book is the culmination of close to seven years of reflection. This book represents the challenges I try to solve when consulting with our business clients. You see, many of my partners and I don't solely give accounting and tax advice. Often, a simple tax question can turn into a complex discussion of the intricacies of doing business, so we help our clients with all five of their business’s capitals, not just their financial capital and tax-planning needs.

That’s right: A business has five capitals. Take RSJ, for instance. My first book, Say Hello to the Elephants, is an element of RSJ’s Intellectual Capital. The book explained our quadrant planning-process, which is a Structural Capital that we use to help our clients solve problems. Speaking of our clients, our network of clients, colleagues and associates represents a portion of the Social Capital of our company. And this sequential-step process (quadrant planning) helps us live up to the refer-ability standards that are part of the values defined by our Human Capital.

Buy Five Eyes on the Fence now

Intellectual, Structural, Social, and Human Capital: These are four of the five capitals that constitute a business, with Financial Capital being the fifth. It is one of my core beliefs that the effectiveness of business planning increases exponentially when an owner and her advisors keep an eye on each of these capitals—when they keep a total of five eyes on the fence, guarding their business.

I have read snippets about the different capitals. A number of authors, for example, have written about the importance of defining a family-owned business’s values (which are part of a company’s Human Capital). Tech company executives know that protecting Intellectual Capital is paramount. Yet, I’ve never read a book in which the author has integrated all five of the capitals in one place. This represents a huge gap in how advisors counsel their clients. And this is why seven years ago, I started to think about and actively seek guidance on how to deploy more effective planning.

You see, without an integrated system for evaluating a business’s five capitals, there are bound to be gaps. Opportunities will slip through these holes in the fence, so to speak.

Fast forward to today. I am much further along in understanding the integrated planning system that needs to be implemented if a business wants to grab a hold of its opportunities.The more I researched the book and worked through what each individual capital represented, the more I came to realize that each capital is complexly linked to the other. Like the links of a chain link fence, the five capitals are connected to one another and each is only as strong as the links that hold it together.

There are many good business consultants and I am certain that they, consciously or unconsciously, consider all five of the capitals when serving their clients. I am also certain that those advisors who fail to consider the effect of their counsel on each of the capitals can cause more damage than they can ever calculate. If a business increases its rates to improve its Financial Capital, but it fails to effectively communicate this rate-increase to the clients, its efforts will backfire as clients jump ship.

Need proof? Just consider the impact Netflix’s $6 rate increase back in 2011 had on the company. Surely, many of the customers who jumped ship—and according to several reports, the number was about one million more than Netflix intended—could have afforded the $6 rate increase. Judging from the slew of complaints that circled the social media world, many customers simply felt devalued, unappreciated, and … well, frankly, they had hurt feelings. The canceled their subscriptions on principle.

And who can blame them? If Netflix had focused as much on its Social Capital as it did on its bottom line, perhaps its Financial Capital would not have been so severely impacted back in 2011. Perhaps it could have communicated with its clients before the rate increase, showing paying customers that Netflix appreciated and honored them. Perhaps the company could have implemented the rate increase and lost only those customers who truly could not afford or did not value Netflix enough to pay the new rate.

You bet that this more-than-money approach makes planning more complex, difficult and sometimes even more costly. With equal amounts of certainly, I know that it also creates a higher probability of success because a business isn’t just money. It is the people, the values, the ideas, and the process within a business.

In writings to come, I intend to share with you some of my thoughts concerning each of the capitals. And when my book is published, you will have a  detailed look at each of the capitals, how they work together and what we are doing at RSJ to keep five eyes on your fence.

Related Posts:
Deep Thoughts on Thoughtful Disagreement
What's YOUR Pixie Dust
A Crazy Guy Taught Me to be a Better Listener

Social Capital

In my previous post, we discussed structural capital. Today, let’s take a look at another equally important piece of intellectual capital: social capital. Social capital is your company’s vendors, referrals, referral sources, and your friends.

Take a moment to consider the amount of clients you have obtained through friendships. Odds are the number is more than a few and maybe most. Friends have value beyond mere friendship; they can help generate business. This is probably the best reason to make friends and have friends, and even to pretend to be friends with people you don’t like. (Okay, so that’s nonsense—I’m just checking to see if you’re paying attention.)

The fact is, aside from being there in good times and bad, friends in the business world can often mean the difference between landing a job, getting that account, or being awarded a juicy contract.

Your means of networking and socializing patterns can be turned into a unique asset with real value. The ability to build relationships is a definite commodity and should be viewed that way. No one else knows the same people you know in the way you know them. No one else has the same resources you have. In all likelihood, you have your go-to guys and gals. Maybe you know just who to call should you happen to need an accountant in Boston. If you need a good lawyer down in Georgia, you can call what’s her face. Or for tickets to the Olympics, you can call one of your Canadian friends (although you’re too late). For getting rid of a body quickly, call Harvey Keitel’s character from Pulp Fiction.

The point is this: the bankers, the insurance people, the number-crunchers are all resources. They are members of your club and vice versa. This is a private club. Not just anybody gets access. They need to be your referral, your customer. Your friend. If you want to have members in your club and in turn be a member of other clubs, you have to be a part of a social capital network.

Once you’ve developed this network, build up this bank account of assets. Systemize it, formulize it. Create conditions in which you can bring the value out to the people you want to deliver that very value to.

Having social capital requires you to be one specific thing: social. Some people are natural socializers— professional socialites. Mingling and shaking hands and getting to know others is simply a way of life. For others, being social is easier said than done. If you are a wallflower, your business may not be flourishing the way it could be for the same reason your life might not be flourishing the way it could be. There is something to be said about being gregarious. Some days, you might not be feeling all that social. That’s normal, that’s part of being human. But if you find yourself not wanting to be social every day, well then, you’re missing out!

I have been given the best advice ever about maneuvering through a strange situation with folks who you don’t know. As the people you meet to talk about their most favorite subject. Them!

• Where did you grow up? 
• How did you come to live in this town? 
• What did you study in school? 
• What is your favorite movie? 

 The potential questions are endless and the answers are liable to present either new questions to ask or points of common interest and understanding that should reveal you to be one of the best conversationalists in the world.
Not too long ago, I went to a party with friends in a neighborhood I wasn’t all that familiar with. The party was hosted by a friend of a friend—I did not know her. We seemed to drive for hours trying to find the place. It brought me right back to my junior high days.

We finally found a house filled with revelers and joined in on the fun. The mutual friend who brought us to the party had not arrived, and it took us about half an hour to determine we had walked into the wrong party. Everyone had a good laugh, and guess what? It was actually fun. We never wanted to leave that party.

By the time we did, I had made several potential new friends. I’m not suggesting you crash random parties every weekend; I’m simply pointing out that a lot of times the most interesting people are the ones you don’t know precisely for that reason. Everyone has a story—there’s no such thing as a boring person. Even a boring person is interesting by the very fact that they are boring. (My friend Jocelyn knows the most boring person in the world. She loves to tell stories demonstrating how boring this person is. As you might guess, the stories are boring, but Jocelyn has a great time telling them.)

I notice when I go on trips, especially overseas, I am much more social than usual. I like talking to the people I meet. They are just as interesting, if not more, as the ancient ruins and museums any country has to offer (as if museums are ever interesting). When I am on the subway, or in markets and stores in another country, I tend to make an effort strike up a conversation with people. I have met a number of interesting folk this way. Something in the back of my mind tells me, who cares if the conversation doesn’t go well, you’ll never see this person again. Knowing this helps me to relax, be more open to those around me and the possibilities that exist. Then when I get home, I realize I could just as easily be this open and friendly to the people in my own country, my own city and neighborhood. There is no reason not to be. Sure, some people might think you’re a big weirdo if you decide to say hello to them as you pass them on the sidewalk. But that’s their problem. If you’re the type that dreads going to parties, dreads leaving your comfort zone in general—think of social situations as an experiment. Go to that party and imagine you are in another country and that you will never see these people again and that ultimately it doesn’t matter what they think about you. It doesn’t.

“Accept all invitations,” an elderly man, a stranger, said to me in a deli once when I was waiting to be seated. It’s good advice. I’ve benefited greatly from it.

I’ve also heard people say, “I’ve got enough friends,” as if there is a limit to the amount of people someone should have in their life with whom they can share things, laugh, confide in, empathize, sympathize, and relate to.

Yes, having friends can increase the value of your social capital in the business world. But more importantly, in the real world, in the world where we are always striving to get the most out of life and enjoy it and appreciate all it has to offer, you can never have enough friends. They are priceless. Your life will be richer as a result, and not just economically.

Today’s challenge:

Accept all invitations. Go to a party (even one you’re dreading!) and make a point to meet at least one new person. Then consider how you have benefited from this introduction, both as a person and a business associate.